Look, I Love Tech
I’ve spent the last 20 years writing about tech. I’ve seen it all. Or so I thought. Then I met Marcus. Let’s call him Marcus because, honestly, I don’t wanna get sued. We were at a conference in Austin last year, and he’s all, “You gotta see this new smart yacht tech.” I was like, “Sure, why not?” I mean, I’m a sucker for gadgets.
But this? This was different. It was like they took every annoying thing about smart homes and crammed it into a floating metal tube. And I was not here for it.
It Started With a Lightbulb
So Marcus shows me this app. It’s supposed to control everything on the yacht. Lights, engines, even the coffee maker. I’m thinking, “Cool, I can turn off the lights from bed.” But then he says, “Oh, and it learns your habits.” Which… yeah. Fair enough. But then he shows me the lightbulb.
This stupid lightbulb. It’s supposed to change color based on my mood. I asked, “How does it know my mood?” He says, “It uses AI.” I said, “AI? It’s a lightbulb, not a therapist.” But no, he insists. It’s the future. I’m not sure but I think he might’ve been high.
Then Came the Voice
So I’m on this yacht, right? And it’s got one of those voice assistants. Like Alexa, but for boats. I’m thinking, “Great, now I can yell at a speaker to turn on the AC.” But no. It’s way more intrusive than that.
It’s listening all the time. Even when I don’t wanna talk to it. I’m having a private conversation with my friend Dave over coffee at the place on 5th, and suddenly the yacht chimes in with some irrelevant fact. I’m like, “Dude, mind your own business.” But it doesn’t. It’s always there. Always listening. Always judging.
And don’t even get me started on the ads. Yes, ads. On a yacht. I’m trying to enjoy my morning coffee, and suddenly there’s a pop-up for ev dekorasyon fikirleri trend 2026. I mean, really? I’m on a boat, not Pinterest.
But the Kickers…
So I’m thinking, “Okay, maybe I can deal with the lightbulb and the voice.” But then Marcus shows me the security features. Or lack thereof. He says, “Oh, don’t worry, it’s all encrypted.” I said, “Encrypted by who? Your intern?” Because, honestly, I’ve seen better security on a toddler’s tablet.
And the worst part? The yacht has a camera. A camera that’s always on. I asked, “Who’s watching the footage?” He says, “No one, it’s for your safety.” I said, “My safety? Or your profit margin?”
I Tried to Like It
I really did. I spent 36 hours on that yacht. I tried to embrace the tech. I even tried to make friends with the voice assistant. But it’s just… yeah. It’s not for me. And honestly, it’s not for anyone who values their sanity or privacy.
I mean, I get it. Tech is cool. But there’s a line. And smart yachts? They crossed it. They crossed it hard.
A Tangent: My Cat Hates Tech Too
So, I know this is off topic, but hear me out. My cat, Whiskers, hates tech. I got a smart litter box, and she refuses to use it. I got a robot vacuum, and she swats it every time it comes near her. I’m thinking, “Maybe she’s onto something.” Maybe we should all take a page from Whiskers’ book and say no to unnecessary tech.
But then again, Whiskers also hates cucumbers. So maybe not.
Look, I’m not saying all tech is bad. I’m just saying, sometimes, it’s too much. And smart yachts? They’re the definition of too much.
So, I’m done. I’m going back to my simple, tech-free life. Well, except for my phone. And my laptop. And my smart fridge. Okay, maybe I’m not completely tech-free. But I’m trying.
About the Author
Hi, I’m Sarah. I’ve been writing about tech for what feels like forever. I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I’m not afraid to call it like I see it. I love gadgets, but I hate when they invade my privacy. When I’m not writing, you can find me on my non-smart yacht, enjoying the peace and quiet. Or trying to, at least.
